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Intuition
and Empathy in Coaching
Empathy
(noun): the power of understanding and imaginatively entering
into another’s feelings
Intuition (noun): knowledge or belief obtained neither by
reason nor by perception
Source: The Collins English Dictionary ©
2000 HarperCollins Publishers
Intuition
in Coaching
Coaches learn early in their training that accessing and speaking
their intuition with clients is essential to being a great
coach. In fact, a core coaching competency defined by the
International Coach Federation is Coaching Presence.
A sub-category of Coaching Presence is---the coach “accesses
own intuition and trusts one's inner knowing - goes with the
gut". When we use our intuition we model for clients
a different way of knowing that cannot be explained logically
or rationally, and we give ourselves permission to express
what ‘popped’ during the coaching conversation
without wasting time analyzing our thoughts and perhaps skipping
over something important.
Case
Example
During a coaching call with her client Joe, Coach Jane made
a request that Joe spend time during the week with an inquiry
concerning his current dead-end job. The inquiry was to ask
himself “what do I want?” When Jane asked Joe
if he would agree to the request, he responded in a quieter-than-usual
tone of voice, “I can do that”. Jane’s intuition
told her that something about the request did not land for
Joe, and she shared that with him. His response was that he
was afraid he would not know the answer. That provided a great
opportunity to examine Joe’s concern about not knowing
the answer. If Jane had dismissed her intuitive hit or spent
time analyzing in her mind what she thought she heard in Joe’s
voice, they might have missed a great opportunity to explore
Joe’s reaction to the request.
Empathy
in Coaching
Empathy is the ability to step into another’s shoes
and understand how he/she is feeling. When coaches respond
empathically to their clients, they communicate understanding
of the feelings in language attuned to the client’s
experience in the moment. In order to empathize with a client,
coaches must be able to set their own feelings aside. If the
coach was in the same situation as the client, she might feel
completely different than the client. Or her feelings might
be very similar. That is not what’s important. What
IS important is the coach’s understanding of how the
client is feeling. When the coach conveys that understanding,
the client knows that he has been heard, feels understood,
and the coaching relationship deepens.
So
what does intuition have to do with empathy? Intuition provides
information that helps coaches to understand and then respond
empathically to their clients. As coaches are better able
to access and trust their intuition, their capacity for empathy
increases.
Case
Example
Debra, a new coach who had recently started a coaching business,
hired Coach Bob for mentor-coaching. Debra’s biggest
challenge was learning how to market her business in a way
that felt genuine for her. For example, each time she went
to a networking event, she felt self-conscious and awkward,
and these feelings interfered with her ability to connect
with other individuals at the event. Through her coaching
relationship with Bob, Debra realized that she had some limiting
beliefs about creating a successful business that were getting
in the way. She was at a loss about what to do to eliminate
these beliefs. During a coaching conversation, Bob sensed
a great heaviness from Debra as she talked about the discouragement
she was feeling. An image came to his mind of a huge weight
pressing down on Debra’s chest, making it difficult
for her to breathe. He shared this image with her and gently
asked, “how might this image connect with your struggle
to market your business?” That question helped Debra
to connect with her own physical sensations, feelings and
thoughts related to her limiting beliefs. This awareness created
a shift for Debra that enabled her to begin creating a marketing
plan that felt exciting to her. As the coach, Bob listened
to and trusted his intuition when the image of the weight
appeared and also demonstrated great empathy in asking the
powerful question of how the image related to Debra’s
struggle.
Develop
Your Intuition
Your intuition is like a muscle that needs to be developed.
One way to develop your intuition is to tune into your body
and become aware of physical sensations. Try the following
exercise each day to learn to tune into your body. If necessary,
disconnect the telephone so you are not interrupted.
Take a few minutes and sit comfortably in your seat with
you back straight and your feet planted firmly on the ground.
Let you hands rest in your lap. Take a few deep breaths to
relax yourself and then breathe as you normally do. Focus
your attention on your body and tune into any physical sensations
that are present for you at this time. Don’t try to
change them, just be aware of them. Notice the parts of your
body that feel tense, and notice the parts of your body that
feel relaxed. What parts of your body are you not aware of
at all? Keep your attention on your physical sensations for
a few minutes and notice anything that may come into your
awareness that was not there before.
Often you may not be totally aware of your body unless it
hurts. The physical sensations in your body can give you important
messages that will help you develop your intuition.
Adapted
from Awakening Intuition by Frances Vaughn, PhD.
COACHING
MASTERY UPDATE
Stay Tuned! A new Coaching Mastery telegroup series will be
introduced later this fall that will provide coaches with
a place to learn, share their coaching challenges and have
fun! The series will include a helpful e-handbook full of
exercises and tools to add to your coaching toolkit.
Coaching
Mastery, facilitated by Lisa Kramer, a certified coach and
veteran coach training leader, provides coaches with a safe
learning environment to further develop their coaching excellence.
Here’s
what previous participants had to say about their recent Coaching
Mastery experience:
In only three sessions with my Coaching Mastery group,
I have increased my “coaching confidence” 10-fold,
and my clients have noticed the difference! The group, guided
by Lisa Kramer’s masterful facilitation and spot-on
questioning, is a forum in which I can develop and test my
coaching approaches, flex my strengths, strategize with other
coaches, and have my blind spots gently revealed to me through
the coaching of my colleagues. I’ve made a huge leap
into a being a more daring, creative, relaxed and genuine
coach and because of that, my clients have made leaps too.
Colleen Bracken, MCB & Associates
www.mcbcoaching.com
Lisa
has this uncanny ability to state the essence of an issue
in a single sentence, and that single sentence sparks the
impetus for transformation - imagine what a full session with
her can do! She brings her vast skill and experience as a
coach, teacher, and mentor to the coaching mastery model of
supporting coaches in a way that goes beyond a traditional
coach-client partnership. If you’re ready to take your
coaching skills and practice to a higher level of expertise
and professionalism, coaching mastery a sure way to make that
happen!
Lynne Hutchinson, On Purpose Coaching and Training
www.onpurposecoach.com
For
more information about Coaching Mastery and to schedule a
complimentary session, contact Lisa Kramer at lisa@livingwithintention.com
or (610) 527-4511
Upcoming
Events in the Philadelphia metropolitan area:
November 7, 2003: Introduction to Professional Coaching
University of Pennsylvania Graduate School of Education
CE Credits available for licensed psychologists and counselors
For more information, contact Dr. Jeanne Stanley at jstanley@gse.upenn.edu
or (215) 898-4171
Copyright
© 2003. Permission is granted to reproduce, copy, or
distribute the Coaching Mastery™ News as long as nothing
is added, changed, or deleted, and this copyright notice
is attached. The author is Lisa Kramer, Living with Intention
Coaching, Training and Coaching Mastery™ www.livingwithintention.com
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